Memories
by ReadingReed
Summary: When James Carlisle wakes up in Atlanta to find he's been a coma for six months, he's lost and confused. Plagued by memories, he attempts to find the people from his past, specifically a certain Goddess of the Winter... LokiXOC, post Avengers, pre Thor: The Dark World. Give it a try?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone…another idea popped into my head…sorry. That's another thing I have to try and update. Last one, I promise. **

**Anyways, this is about post-Avengers Loki. I started writing this before I saw the trailer, so it will in no way be connected to Thor: The Dark World. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, all rights to Marvel.**

**P.S. This chapter won't be, but later chapters will be a little more intense (sexually) than my other stories. It'll remain at a T rating, I don't want to write any smutty stuff, but it is a little more than I've written over the few years I've been on this site. So, yeah. Enjoy?**

James ran a hand through his hair. "How does it look?"

"Better than the long hair thing you had going," his closest friend, Kyle replied.

"I was in a coma for three months," he said. "I had no control over my hair."

"I'm just saying," Kyle laughed. "It was pretty bad."

"You're an ass." James shoved Kyle's shoulder, straightening out as he examined himself. The familiar feeling lab coat relaxed him.

"Are you ready to come back?" Kyle asked. "I mean, you've only been out of the hospital for six months. Do you remember enough...?"

"The science," James said slowly. "The hospital, protocol...it's all I remember. It's like I woke up and this was the only familiar thing. I need to be back in it."

Kyle frowned. "If you start feeling unwell, I'll cover your patients and just go to the break room."

"I'll be fine," James assured him. Just then, a nurse popped her head into his new office.

"Dr. Carlisle, Dr. Stone, you're both needed presently," she said softly.

"Thank you, Jessica," James said. He clipped on his name tag, kicking his friend out of his office.

Ninth months ago, James had apparently gotten into some terrible car crash. When he woke up in the hospital with no memory, he'd been told that his name was Dr. James Carlisle, and he was in a hospital in Atlanta, Georgia. Of course, he had no idea who he was or where he came from. He was able to access his bank accounts, medical files, anything he needed. He failed, however, in discovering any family. It seemed that he came from nowhere.

When he opened up books to rediscover what it was to be a doctor, James found he knew everything he was reading. After taking a test to prove his degree's validity (apparently it was from a college in New York), he found a job at the hospital he'd awoken at. Since he was already familiar with the staff from his time spent there, he felt little hesitation in accepting the job offer, alongside Kyle Stone, whom he'd met briefly when he covered for another doctor.

They developed a friendship when Kyle offered to show him Atlanta, since he was obviously completely unaware. He was the one who helped him get back on his feet and figure out that he was good at being a doctor, and could rebuild his life. This, he remembered as he worked furiously in the Emergency room. At first, he hadn't been pleased with all that happened around him. Soon though, he adjusted and began to see the importance of working in the ER.

At his three o'clock lunch break, another doctor by the name of Andrew Wyc joined him and Kyle.

"Busy day, eh boys?" Wyc asked, biting into his sandwich.

"Yeah," James breathed a sigh of relief. "I can't imagine what it would have been like working in New York during that attack."

"It did look pretty bad," Kyle said. "But apparently those Avengers saved the day."

"I don't know how I feel about them," Andrew frowned. "Whether they're heroes or not, I mean."

"The Avengers?" James asked. "Who are they?"

"This team of superheroes," Kyle explained.

"More like super-freaks," Andrew said into his coffee.

"Tony Stark stopped a missile from blowing up all of Manhattan," Kyle said. "How is that a bad thing?"

"Tony Stark isn't a freak," he said. "He's a brilliant scientist. He doesn't really count."

"What about the dude with the arrows?" Kyle prodded. "Or the chick with the red hair they barely caught on camera? They disnt have powers or anything, just skills."

"Wait, powers?" James butt in again. "You actually believe some of them have powers?"

"One guy uses a hammer to fly," Kyle said.

"A hammer?" James frowned. The dreams…

"—and another turns into a green monster, and the last is a genetically enhanced soldier who's been asleep for seventy years. They have abilities nobody else would ever dream of possessing."

"And they saved New York from aliens?" James smiled. "Impressive."

"Indeed," Kyle said. "Not a single form of our military could have gone up against this guy and his followers."

"There was another man involved?" James raised an eyebrow.

"Also from another world," Andrew explained. "He was trying to dominate everybody; made a bunch of Germans bow to him outside of a concert a few days before the battle."

"He was the villain, the Avengers were the heroes," Kyle emphasized.

"You sound like a little kid," Andrew rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his food. After swallowing, he went on. "Next thing we know, you'll be buying the merchandise."

"Merchandise?" James laughed, trying to hide his growing anxiety. "They have merchandise for the heroes?"

"It's all over the place," Andrew snorted. "Pick up a newspaper, Carlisle."

James listened to the two friends banter. His lunch break would be brief he knew, but he still took some time to think about all he had missed in his sleep. Then again, had he really missed it? He'd lost all memory, after all. What was there to miss?

_"Loki, come."_

_He looked up to see a man with broad shoulders, blue eyes, and golden hair looking down at him from the cell entrance. James was less concerned about why he was in a cage, and more concerned with the man before him wearing armor, a cape, and carrying an extremely large hammer._

_**What am I doing here?**__ His mind yelled._

_"Brother, our Father has decided what your punishment is."_

_**Who are you?**_

_"I am not your brother," James said. Why was he talking? "And he is not our father."_

_"You will come, Loki."_

_**Stop calling me that.**_

_James was dragged through magnificent halls, surprised at the breath taking view of water and sky. In the distance he saw a bridge that looked like...rainbows?_

_**The shard!**_

_The guy with the hammer led James to a throne room, where a beautiful woman sat with a pained expression. She looked at James with love and concern, making him mentally frown. Why wasn't he in control of his body? Why was he in handcuffs?_

_And was he wearing armor as well?_

_"You will be sent to Midgard," the large, but old man with one eye said regally. "You will have no powers, no memory, and no immortality."_

_The beautiful woman clasped hand over her mouth to soften her cries. James was in disbelief. What the hell was Midgard?_

_The old man turned to his throne, the woman stepping forward. "Frigga?"_

_'Frigga' ignored her husband. "I will accompany him and Thor to the bridge."_

_James felt warmth in his surprisingly cold body. "No need, it will only cause you pain."_

_"You've caused her enough pain as it is," the old man glared accusingly at James. "What is different now, Loki?"_

_It was as if James was trapped inside a body, with no influence. He simply had to look around him and observe as something else controlled his body._

_"Silence, Odin," Frigga snapped quickly. "You will not reprimand him in my last moments."_

_James felt the corners of his mouth twitch. Something told him he'd always have a place for her in his heart. She was obviously a weakness._

_The hammer man picked James up by his arm again. He walked for what seemed like hours in silence, the man on one wide and Frigga on the other. By the time he made it to this rainbow bridge, she was crying again. When they stopped, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his forehead._

_"I will always love you," she whispered. "Just as you will always be my son. Goodbye Loki."_

_**WHO THE HELL IS LOKI?**_

_Loki was turned to face the gold haired man. "You are my brother, no matter how much you deny it."_

_James stayed silent. Seeing a piece of the broken bridge, he somehow brought it to his hand in the air._

_"Loki..." Frigga said softly._

_"One last bit of magic," he said forlornly. The shard in his hand floated up, seeming to have sunlight surrounding it. James was amazed by the way the shard was shaping into something, but he felt a smirk on his face as it took the form of a small butterfly gem. He—again, how was this happening?—then produced a silver chain that hooked to the charm, making a necklace. He gave it to the man in golden robes and a helmet. The two exchanged an understanding. Then, James looked to the portal in front of him._

_**When did that get there?!**_

_"Just a bit of fun," Loki smirked; it most certainly wasn't James in control of his body. "Now go; toss me into an abyss. Make me forget the pain of you and father and all that's happened."_

_With a pained look in his eyes, the hammer man threw James into the portal._

_Darkness._

James shot up in bed, gasping. His legs felt like jelly, his head spun, and he felt the odd urge to cry. He quickly slid from the bed, trying to get away from the world in his dreams. Everything seemed so real. Walking through his large apartment felt weird, when he really knew he should be walking through those grand halls. His feet touched the black tile of his kitchen, his hands gripping the edge. He closed his eyes, the woman's face flashing before him.

_Mother._

James kicked one of his cabinets. Why did he keep having these dreams? They'd started the night he returned home from the hospital, walking into an unfamiliar place. His dreams, however sad and anger filled they may be, made him feel surrounded by something he knew and in a way…_loved_. Those people made him angry and spiteful in his dreams, something he desperately wanted to figure out. He wanted to know who Loki was, who Frigga was, who Odin was. He wanted to who the man with the hammer was.

James began making himself tea. He had to be delusional. He didn't know where he belonged, but it wasn't a place of magic and ancient castles in the sky. And the things he did in his dream, he'd never do. Closing his eyes again, he remembered those creatures.

It was unnerving. The events Kyle and Andrew had talked of matched some of his other dreams. Honestly, he knew it was just some odd side effect of the memory loss, but it still made him uncomfortable.

_Add some honey and milk in the tea, it'll help relax you. Then, go out onto your balcony and try and breathe. It's what I have my kids do after nightmares_. As James mixed in the honey to his tea, he remembered the words that motherly nurse had told him. Taking his tea, he grabbed his sketchbook, a pencil, and headed out onto the balcony. The view was spectacular, the bright city lighting up the skyline, almost like its own source of stars. He liked living on the outskirts of Atlanta and seeing the city from afar. The evergreen trees drifted in the wind below, the sighs matching his feelings.

Why had this happened to him? Why did he have to lose him memory and end up in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people, and dreams of another life that didn't even exist? Why?

"You sound like a petty teenager, James," he mumbled to himself, opening his sketchbook. "Get over it, and move on."

Once again, he picked up his pencil and began drawing what he remembered. The throne room came first, followed by the woman named Frigga. By the time he finished drawing her sad face, tears leaking from her eyes, the sun was rising up. He had the day off, and he wasn't sure how he was going to spend it. Certainly he wouldn't spend it drawing.

No; painting.


	2. Chapter 2

**If anyone is reading this, here is the next chapter. Love you people :)**

**Disclaimer: Do not own Avengers or Norse mythology**

_Sif looked to her friend. "You know I always supported you."_

"_Yes," Kohl said. "You have been a magnificent friend, Sif. Even after what's happened, you've stayed by my side. Although I still cannot forgive you for locking me in my rooms so I could not see him in his cell."_

"_For that I am sorry," Sif said. "And I only ever want to protect you."_

_This made Kohl frown. The hesitant tone in Sif's voice worried her. "What's happening?"_

"_Loki's punishment has been decided."_

"_And that is…?" Kohl felt her heart race in anticipation. Please, let it not be death._

"_Banishment to Midgard."_

"_Did they not just bring him from there?" Kohl asked._

"_He will have no memory," Sif explained. "No magic, no immortality."_

_This struck Kohl. "So I am to never see him again? To watch him die from afar while I live on?" when Sif did not reply, Kohl wiped her tears away. They continued to stream down her face. "When will he leave? Will you help me sneak in to see him?" once more, Sif looked to the ground. Her eyes never left the meadow they stood in. "When does he leave?"_

_A thunderous clap souned the air. Kohl felt a scream bubble in her throat, glad they were far away from the castle. The recent boom shook all of Asgard._

"_You knew when?" Kohl snapped._

"_I was in the throne room when Odin announced it. He was being escorted when I left, so I came to see you."_

"_And you kept me here?" she growled. Her cold magic gathered in her chest as she stared at the warrior goddess. "You kept me from saying goodbye?"_

"_To protect you from the heartache!"_

"_My heart is already aching!" she shrieked, letting her magic blast from her hand. It hit Sif in the chest, knocking her back. Her magic was good, but she was very tempted to do something bad with it. "I will never forgive you for keeping me from him! You knew where his cell was, yet you trapped me in my rooms. You knew that he was leaving, but you did not tell me! I have not seen him in a year, yet you continued to hurt me by keeping me away!"_

"_Kohl, please—_

"_STAY AWAY FROM ME!"_

_Kohl turned and hurried to her white horse, appropriately named Winter. She threw her leg up and shot off towards the bridge, her dark blue dress flying behind her. Maybe it was just a portal opening, maybe he hadn't left yet._

_By the time she arrived, Hamdel stood alone._

"_He is gone, my lady," Hamdel said. Kohl knelt on the bridge, heart aching. She bit her lip to stop the tears as Hamdel's dark hand appeared in front of her eyes, holding something on a chain. "He made this with the last of his magic. It was intended for you."_

_She clutched the beautiful butterfly, obviously made from a piece of the bridge. The second it fell around her neck, the memories started._

_The ball, dancing with him._

Kohl clawed at her sheets in her dreams.

_Making her laugh, late into the night. The conversations they had whilst laying in each other's arms…_

Kohl tossed her head to one side, dreams chasing her.

_His hand spread across her back, bringing her body to rise against his._

Her face was flushed, but she couldn't escape.

_His lips kissed her neck, hands caressing her curves. She moaned his name, desperate to feel his touch. "Loki…"_

"_You are mine," he growled possessively. "And always will be."_

"_Always," she agreed._

Finally, she got out of the dream. Kohl's eyes shot open, staring at the ceiling. Her heart ached for her lover. Not the man driven mad by the amount of magic he used, but the one who used to take her to bed in secret, whisper his love for her. The one who laid with her for hours, telling her everything he'd ever felt or thought; the man that eyed her enviously whenever another man kissed her hand or held her close in a dance.

Not the one who'd lost his mind and tried to destroy multiple planets.

Her mind turned from him, her heart yearned for him.

Kohl slid from her bed, wrapping an emerald green robe around her black nightdress. She hurried to her fireplace, finding the third tile on the fourth row to the left. She firmly pressed her hand against it. Attempting to quiet her sobs, Kohl waited for the doorway to appear. When the black opening was in front of her face, she shot down the hallway it brought. The corridor was dark, but only one way and she'd used it plenty of times.

When she emerged, however, a very unfamiliar sight met her eyes.

Loki's room was lit with torches. The floors were black tile, matching the black walls. The large and canopied bed was a mixture of gold and greens, and holding so many of her memories. On one side of the room, one of Loki's biggest secrets was exposed; pictures. His sketches and paintings were littered across his desk and the floor around it.

And sitting in the desk chair, holding a painting of Kohl…was none other than the queen.

"Loki had a real talent," Frigga whispered. "He made this painting look just like you."

"Your Grace," Kohl said nervously. "I was not aware you would be—

"What's the other end of that corridor?" Queen Frigga asked, her voice soft and quiet.

"I believe you already know the answer."

"I do, I want to hear it from you."

"My chambers."

"Of course," the queen stood, her white nightgown swaying. "When did this begin?"

"Loki's eighteenth birthday," Kohl automatically answered. She couldn't lie to the queen. She just…couldn't. "I had always admired him, and we'd always been good friends. He…he charmed me." The queen paced, waiting for her to continue. "In the beginning, there were others. But after I turned eighteen, I gave him an ultimatum. He had to choose me or all of his other lovers. He…he confessed his love for me and said he'd give them up for me."

"Why did he not openly court you?" Frigga asked.

"I'm a minor goddess of winter," she murmured. "And he is a Prince of Asgard, Master of Magic, God of Mischief. I did not think I was worthy of him."

"Kohl," the queen said, approaching her. A warm hand rested on the pale girl's cheek. "I was present when you were born; your mother is one of my closest friends. Being a minor goddess means nothing to me. It obviously meant nothing to Loki. He…he loved you, you say?"

"He told me he did," Kohl said. Her tears were struggling to get past the barrier she held. "I've always known when he was going to lie, and he never lied to me when he said he loved me."

"Then we may mourn together."

Kohl looked up in surprise. "Y-your Grace?"

"I will welcome you as my daughter," Frigga said, opening her arms. "Because if there had been a different turn of events, you might have become just that."

"I miss him," Kohl admitted, falling into the queens arms. She finally let the sobs leave her body, clutching the queen. "I miss him before the dark magic took him from me."

"As do I, my child," Frigga said.

"I didn't even get to say goodbye. By the time I made it to the bridge, he was gone," she cried. "I just wanted to say goodbye, one last time."

Frigga held her closer, rocking her body as her own tears fell. "Oh my dear, I am so sorry this has happened. I am so sorry…"

And there, they mourned.

James looked at his painting, satisfied. This was his best yet.

It featured a pale woman with very light blonde hair, a simple silver piece towards the front. In James' dreams, that silver piece shined. In the painting, it simply looked grey; the only problem with this one. The rest of it seemed to depict her rather well. She wore a strapless ball gown of deep blue, which reminded him of the night sky. The diamonds embedded in the skirt and littered across the waist reminded him of the stars.

And she was the moon.

James sighed, closing his eyes. The vision that he saw was what he tried to put on paper. She leaned on one of those lounging chairs, arm holding up her head. The pale blonde curls fell down her back, most of it brushed away as not to cover the torso of the dress. She gazed at him lovingly, using the other hand to finger the fabric. In this particular dream, he was painting her. She teased him about being too slow, and he teased her about her impatience.

_I am very patient, she rolled her eyes. You're the one who can't ever wait to bring me here._

_Being passionate is a bad thing? He asked. I simply desire you and do not wish to wait._

_Do you think I shall run away?_

_No, he assured her. I know you are mine._

_And are you mine? She asked, teasing tone gone._

This was when James felt a smile in the dream. He then said she was the only one he'd ever want again; no other could satisfy him the way she did.

Opening his eyes again, James set down his paintbrush just as the doorbell rang. He wiped his hands on his jeans and rushed to get it. Upon opening it, he found Kyle.

"What are you doing here?" James asked.

"Will you let me in first?" Kyle was bouncing and breathing on his hands. "It's freezing out here!"

"Sorry, come on." James stepped aside, frowning. He shut the door to keep the cold out, then looked towards his friend, who had disappeared. "Kyle?"

"Who is this chick?" Kyle called. James walked back to the extra room, where Kyle was looking around. "Jeeze dude, this room has more paintings than the High."

"That's ridiculous," James rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, who is this chick?" Kyle repeated, pointing to the pale blonde on the lounge chair. "She's pretty hot." when James didn't reply, only crossed his arms, his friend sighed. "Is she another one from your dreams?"

"Painting is the only way to get it out of my head," James grumbled. "If I don't paint it, whatever I dreamed about keeps bothering me. She was the dream this morning."

"Have you thought about a therapist?" Kyle asked. "These dreams seem to freak you out."

"I don't need a therapist," James grumbled. "I need to figure out who these people are. I think they're from my past."

"You don't seriously think—

"I don't think I'm from a mythical land," James cut him off. "I just think that they are from my past, and my mind is working in an odd way to remind me of them."

"That sort of makes sense, I guess." Kyle shook his head. "Man, I'm worried about you. During lunch yesterday, you seemed out of it when we started talking about the Avengers."

"You're going to think I'm crazy," James whispered, running a hand through his hair. "Really crazy. Like, psychotic."

"Don't tell me—

"I think it's just my mind characterizing people from my past differently," he said. Picking up one picture, he showed her. "Frigga, queen of the Norse gods." he found another. "Odin, Allfather and king of the Norse gods." he picked up a different one. "Thor, God of Thunder."

"That dude has a hammer."

"I know, Ky."

"Does he have a hammer in your dreams?"

"Yes."

"How do you know all these names?"

"I researched the names and found a bunch of mythology things," James explained.

"And the girl?" Kyle pointed to her.

James frowned. "That's the thing. I researched the name Kohl and nothing came up."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey y'all, thanks to my few followers! Love you guys :) **

Thor landed on the bridge, eyes opening. He always had mixed feelings when returning to Asgard. Anger towards his father; sadness towards his mother; and bitterness at his friends. They were unforgiving when it came to Loki's past. None of them realized how much _he_ was to blame for it.

"How is he?" Thor asked Heimdall.

"He is mortal, but his memory returns in dreams," Heimdall said. He told Thor anything. "It pains him to not know of his past with certainty. He believes this world is a trick of his mind that haunts his dreams."

"His lack of memory makes it worse, then?"

"It would appear so."

Grumbling about his father, Thor walked down the bridge. He made his way to the great hall, looking for his mother. When he arrived, however, he found she was not there. Instead, Odin sat on his throne.

"Where is Mother?"

"She is with a friend," Odin said kindly. "We have missed you."

"When will she return?" Thor continued.

"I am not sure," Odin said. "Are you still cross with me?"

"You know the answer, father."

"I did what I thought best."

"I'm sure you did." Thor bowed to his father before turning and leaving the hall.

He found his friends in their common room, feet up and laughing. When they saw Thor, they all stood in joy.

"Where is Sif?" Thor asked embracing the Warrior Three.

The three exchanged looks. Hogun spoke. "She has been in a foul mood since Loki's departure."

"Sif?" he asked with a deepening frown. "Did she—

"Of course not," Fandral rushed out. "We have reason to think it's something to do with Lady Kohl."

"The winter goddess that we played with as children?" Thor asked. He briefly remembered carrying her on his shoulders while they crossed a stream. He knew she and Loki had gotten quite close.

"That's the one," Fandral said. "They used to be such close friends. Since Loki was banished, she and Sif have not spoken. When Sif is in the same room, Kohl leaves."

"Is it because of Loki?" Thor asked.

Volstagg laughed. "Why does it matter? Those are woman's affairs; we should leave it to them!"

Thor could not help but feel troubled. He ignored it though and decided to ask of Asgard. He sat with his friends, drinking and talking. They continued speaking for a long time, deciding to tease Frandal about a beautiful maiden he'd taken a fancy to. It seemed like ages before Thor finally excused himself. He promised to see his friends at dinner, and headed to search for his mother.

He found her in the gardens, walking with Kohl.

"Lady Kohl," Thor bowed. "Mother."

They both curtsied in reply. Frigga stepped forward and embraced her eldest son. Just as the last time he'd seen her, Frigga was quiet and had obviously been crying. How long would she continue to blame herself?

"Why don't we sit?" Frigga asked breathlessly, motioning to a nearby bench. While Thor led his mother there, Kohl took no problem in sitting on the soft earth in front of it. Frigga took her hand, smiling down at the young woman.

"Winter is quite harsh on Midgard," Thor said. "The last time it was that cold was the passing of your father."

"I have been in a very long state of mourning," she confessed.

"Kohl has taken Loki's absence as deeply as I," Frigga said.

_Indeed_, Thor thought. _Their bond is strong_.

"I shall send a nice fall of snow your way," she promised. "Liliandil has promised not to interfere with my weather on Midgard this season."

"My Jane will enjoy a white Christmas, as she calls it," he said happily.

"When will you bring her to Asgard?" Frigga demanded. "I wish to finally meet her."

"Upon my next return," Thor said. "Asgardians must meet their future queen."

Kohl smiled to herself. She remembered Loki asking her to be queen one day.

_I am already king_, he'd said. _With time, we could marry and you could be my queen._

_You don't want this, my love. Why can we not just be happy together? Bring Thor home, step down from the throne, and go on as we were.___

_I cannot undo what Father intended_, Loki said sharply. _I am king now_!

_Your father lives, Loki this is ridiculous! What has happened to you?__  
_  
For a moment, Kohl had seen it. The madness that possessed the man she loved deeply, the god she loved.

But he backed away from their private spot. _You do not support me. I gave you all my love, all I asked for was support and you to rule by my side one day.___

_I love you as well,_ Kohl had insisted. She remembered clutching his hand. _But please think on what you are doing.__  
_  
_I know what I'm doing! _He spat. _Do not test me, woman_.

Anger flared inside her. Within an instant, her icy hands clutched his arm, freezing it. _You have lost respect for me. Where is the man I love? The one scholar, the painter, my lover?_

Loki looked down at her, pained as he wrenched away from her icy grip_. He is __**gone.**_

Kohl paid attention to the conversation at hand. Thor confessed to his mother that Hamdal saw Loki's dreams and how they still existed in them. It sent a small flicker of hope through Kohl's chest.

"Do you think he remembers me?" Kohl looked up at the queen hopefully. "In his dreams, at least?"

"I am most certain he does," Frigga clasped her hands over Kohl's. "You were so very important to him."

"Were you and Loki secretly lovers or something?" Thor chuckled.

Kohl was not laughing. "How did you know?"

"Wait." Thor's smile dropped. "You were?"

"Yes," Kohl blushed. "At this rate, all of Asgard will know of it. I need to learn to keep quiet."

"Thor would never tell a soul," Frigga said. "Son?"

"I will never," he promised, running a hand over his beard. "I can't believe I never noticed you two. I overlooked him so much. It is no wonder...

"All of us took turns blaming ourselves, Thor," Kohl said kindly. "It was nobody's fault. Loki became possessed by dark magic and it drove him mad. There was nothing we could do to stop it."

Thor bowed his head. "Will you forgive me, then? For not giving you any of my time when I grew older? We used to be such friends."

Kohl smiled, taking his hands. "And we will be friends once more."

She wasn't mad at Sif, not really. She was mad at Odin for taking him away, Loki for meddling with dark magic, and herself for not doing enough. The only one who she could have counted on before Frigga's discovery was Sif.

With these thoughts, Kohl was able to prepare for the first feast she would attend since Loki's banishment. Though there had been several since then, she'd spent her time wondering around the realm or sitting in Loki's room and reading his favorite books. Tonight, however, she felt a little better. She did not want to spend all of her life moping; Frigga needed good company and Sif needed forgiveness.

A servant girl helped her into an emerald green gown. The gold embroidery was obviously in honor of Loki, and Kohl had no problem if someone noticed this. She found the necklace he'd made her, and placed it on her neck. Kohl also found her matching ring, which Loki had magically fashioned decades ago (and had been severely punished by Odin for stealing a piece of the ridge). She placed it delicately on her finger, blinking back tears. She refused to cry.

After placing her gold slippers on her feet, Kohl let the servant begin to twist and braid her hair.

A knock came at the door.

"Come in!" Kohl called. The door opened, Kohl not bothering to look up. "How may I help you?"

"It's been ages since I've visited you," a gentle voice said. "My corner of Asgard is so boring sometimes, since the royalty do not live there."

Kohl gasped and turned. Her eyes were lay upon her golden haired, pale green eyed sister. "Rilla! Oh my dear, it's been so long!"

"How are you?" Rilla asked, leaning down to kiss Kohl's cheeks.

"Getting better," Kohl answered honestly. "And you? How is my newest brother?"

Rilla's eyes sparkled. "He is a fine warrior, very protective of our realm."

"I'm glad," Kohl smiled. "Springtime is always welcome in the palace, you know. Just as much as Autumn and Summer."

"Have our other sisters come to see you?" Rilla asked. "I did not think Marce would want to leave her beautiful beaches."

"She brought me a vile of the sand," Kohl pointed. "She enjoyed coming here. Liliandil did not mind it much here either."

Rilla looked her sister up and down. "Now, why aren't you wearing dark blue? It is your best color."

"I know," Kohl rolled her eyes. The sisters almost always wore the colors to match their eyes and their season. Liliandil wore browns and oranges, Marce yellows and light blues, Rilla pale greens and pinks. Of course, Kohl wore grays and darker hues, normally blues.

"This is for the lost Prince, is it not?" Rolls asked sadly. Kohl nodded briefly, making her sister hug her. "All wounds heal with time, dear sister."

"I understand," Kohl said. "But I will need more time."

"No matter," Rilla said. "You will heal. Now! We have a ball to attend to."

In the grand hall, Thor watched Kohl. He was disappointed by how sad she seemed. Turning to his mother, he asked "Is she as sad as she seems?"

"I'm afraid so," Frigga replied, sipping her wine. "There are good days and there are bad days. Today, for example, is a good day. She walked through the garden with me and even took a ride through the mountains."

"I suppose she doesn't have much to do," Thor frowned. "Her task in laying the frost over the fields of Midgard has been completed; they are protected for the winter."

"When she gets really upset, she sends a small snowstorm or two," Frigga chuckled. "She likes to hear Heimdall say how overjoyed the children are in not having to attend school."

Thor chuckled as well. "I wish I could help her."

"I'm not sure what will help, my child," Frigga set her glass down. She stirred her soup with her spoon, watching Kohl converse with Rilla. She smiled every now and then, but only in slight amusement. She never seemed actually happy.

"She has no duties," Thor mumbled. "She appears to be very unhappy here...maybe a change of scenery?"

"Do you think she should visit one of her sisters?" Frigga perked up. "Maybe another part of the realm will cheer her up?"

"I was thinking Midgard."

Frigga began to choke on her soup. After that cleared up and servants were sent away, the queen stared in shock at her son. "You suggest Kohl goes to Earth?"

"She could return with me," Thor explained. "Just until Spring. It will give her a chance to explore something new and make new friends."

"You're serious?" Frigga said softly. He nodded serenely. "This isn't one of your jokes—

"Mother," Thor cut her off, covering her small hand with his. "I will ask her in the morning. If she wants to come with me, we will leave in the afternoon."

Frigga leaned back in her chair, covering her mouth slowly. "I will talk your father into giving her permission to leave Asgard."

A smile spread across his face. "Then we shall dance!"

Sif stared into her food sadly. Why had she not told her friend of Loki leaving? At the time, it seemed like saving her heart from breaking further was the best idea. But, that turned around quickly. Sif still remembered being blasted back into the earth by the goddess's magic. It hurt that she'd been told that she would never be forgiven, and to stay away from her closest friend.

Sif could see where she'd gone wrong. She glanced at Fandral, who'd recently cut off his ridiculous beard. She imagined him being imprisoned, and then kept away from him, never being able to say goodbye. Her heart felt as if an iron fist gripped it momentarily, making her shake her head.

_I may be a warrior, but I am still a woman. I know how to love.__  
_  
She knew how to love her family, her friends, and men. Being kept away from the one she loved dearly would've been a deep betrayal.

"Sif?"

She looked up in disbelief, seeing Kohl standing beside her. Seeing her there, standing in Loki's colors, made Sif feel even more guilty.

"Yes?" she asked, sitting up.

"Join me for a walk?" she asked. "We haven't been on one in so long, and it's very noisy in here."

"Of course," Sif stood up.

"Where are you going?" Fandral asked suddenly, reaching out to snag Sif's hand. "The dancing is about to start."

She raised an eyebrow. "Then save me one, silly man." he beamed and released her, turning back to Hogun.

"You two seemed friendly," Kohl said, once they'd departed. "What have I missed?"

"He's simply a flirt," Sif sighed. "He will never be serious about a woman."

"I thought that," Kohl said. "But he loved me. When given the choice, he wanted me above all those others he could've had."

"I do not think Fandral is quite prepared for that," she laughed. "I will simply be a friend, always, as painful as it is."

Kohl sighed, looking up at the beautiful moon. She briefly recalled Loki telling her that she was the moon, which reminded her of why she wanted to speak with her friend.

"I overreacted."

"You were upset."

"My reaction was still unacceptable," Kohl said. "I fear I was angry at many things, heartbroken at my loss, and feeling betrayed by Loki himself. You happened to be there, so I took my anger and resentment out on you. I hope you can forgive me."

Sif smiled. "With any other, a grudge would be held between the two of us."

"I value your friendship too much," Kohl explained.

Sif stopped their walk to embrace Kohl. "Thank you, then, for forgiving me. As for you, there was naught to forgive in the first place."

"All is well then?"

"All is well."


	4. Chapter 4

**I hope my very few followers don't hate me, I've been a little busy with school and life, as well as writers block, so here's a new chapter.**

James had given in. When he came to accept his dreams, he began to see them from an outsiders point of view, almost as if he were in the dream, but not a soul knew he was there.

The first time he saw himself in the armor, he laughed.

It seemed that lately, every time he closed his eyes, the woman appeared again. He thought about her during work, wishing he could know who she was. Did she come from his past? Was it another trick of his mind?

"Focus, Carlisle," Andrew snapped his fingers. James drew from his thoughts of the beautiful woman. Instead of dancing in a room with her, he was standing in the mall with Andrew and Kyle.

"What do I get Natalie?" he groaned, hitting his head against a rack while Kyle searched for a shirt. "I never know what to get her."

"Doesn't she always love it?" Kyle asked. He picked up a red button down and contemplated it. "I saw her open her birthday present."

"She acted like she loved it," Andrew said. "She didn't really, I saw her face when she first looked at it."

"What did you get her?" James questioned.

Andrew looked down, ashamed. "A gift card."

"It was her twenty fifth birthday," Kyle snorted. "And the first one with you. You could've done better than a gift card."

"I don't know how to give presents!" Andrew exclaimed. "I never been the relationship type, Nat's my first."

"You weren't very respectful to women, were you?" James said, pointing to a blue shirt. Kyle picked it up and nodded.

"He was awful," Kyle laughed. "Womanizer, slept with a different girl every other week, notorious flirt—

"I'm a changed man!"

"You're still an asshole," Kyle shot back. "Just because you only invest time in one girl and hav been with her for more than a month doesn't mean you've completely changed."

"Do you know how to treat a woman?" James prodded.

"Like a woman," Andrew replied. "Love her, make he feel pretty, you know; the usual."

"Wrong," James and Kyle said at the same time. "You don't treat them like women, you treat them like goddesses. They were made to be adored and admired, it's how they work."

"Why don't you educate me?" Andrew said mockingly. The two walked with Kyle to the cash register.

"Do you listen when she speaks?"

"Well..."

"Listen when she talks to you," James rolled his eyes. "Act like you want more than just a physical relationship. Have you ever called her just to see how she's doing?"

Andrew frowned. "Now that I think about it..."

"Do you at least act like you care?" Kyle asked in disbelief.

"I don't really think about it," Andrew confessed.

"Jesus Christ," James grumbled. "When you get done with us, call her and ask her about her day. If it was good, ask what was good. If it was bad, let her tell you what happened to ruin the day. If she asks you, give her an honest answer. Then, before you hang up, ask her on a date. Take her somewhere nice, somewhere romantic and againtalk. Get to actually know the person you're with."

"And what am I supposed to get her?" Andrew said, no longer snarky.

"Something that shows you put some thought into it," James answered. "Maybe jewelry, perfume, added with...i don't know, is she a romantic? Or does she stray away from cheesy things?"

"I think cheesy?"

"Randomly send her roses or something, then," he said. "When it comes down to it, jus show her you actually care about her. Make an effort, let it be known you think about her and want her in your life."

"What about making her feel pretty? Isn't that good?"

"Not pretty, beautiful," Kyle corrected. "Like James said, treat her like a goddess. She's some amazingly gorgeous creature you are unworthy of. When you start seeing her like that, she'll notice. And tell her every now and then that she looks nice."

"Don't make it sound difficult to say," James advised. "Just look at her and say...you're beautiful, like it's the most natural thing. Make her believe it."

"And this will work? It'll be 'considered' treating her right?"

"If your goal is to do what's considered right, you're going about it all wrong," James sighed. "You should do what she deserves. I mean, she's the woman that stopped your womanizer ass from sleeping around because you care about her so much. Don't you think she deserves—

"Everything."

"Exactly," James grinned. "She deserves _everything_."

_Once more, he was actually experiencing the events in the dream, rather than watching._

_James shoved the woman into the wall. "You were gone quite a long time."_

_"I was visiting my sisters," she whispered, obviously trying to control herself as his lips traveled down her neck. "Asgard is a large realm."_

_"I don't like it when you leave," James growled. "I have to put up with my brother idiotic actions without you; it's unbearable."_

_"He'll learn," Kohl rolled her eyes. "I promise something will ahppen that changes him and he'll become wiser and more mature. You just bide your time."_

_"How long shall I wait?" James asked. "He's a prideful fool."_

_"I don't know," she sighed, grabbing his face. "But for now, you have me to distract you." she pushed him back now, winking as he hit his wardrobe, her eyes raking over his godly physique._

_This cause James to grin. Kohl laughed musically as she pulled at the straps of his armor, ignoring it as it hit the floor with a loud clang. She ran her hands over the shirt he wore, smiling. He gripped her waist tightly and brought her body to his. She continued letting her hands travel over his muscles while pulling off his shirt. "Have you been training more?"_

_"My books could not keep me busy enough while you were away," he shrugged. "As I said, you were gone for a long time, I had plenty of Oporto irked to train."_

_"Should I go away more often?" she teased._

_"No." James swiftly pulled at the strings of her dress, loosening it and pulling it down her body in seconds. "I already said I don't like it when you're gone."_

_"You're very demanding," she smirked, letting his rip her corset in half. She was left in a slip of fabric as he scooped her into his arms._

_James didn't respond. Roughly, he placed Kohl on the canopied bed and kissed her hungrily. As usual, she gave in, sighing happily. This quickly turned to shortened breaths when his hands began caressing her lovingly, exploring the body he craved while she was gone. He wasn't going to deny it—he enjoyed as she became undone simply at his touch._

_Kohl gasped for breath when he pulled away from the lengthy kiss, feeling his lips travel to her neck. His teeth found her earlobe, nibbling the skin there. She moaned at the feeling, arching her body. "Loki..."_

_"Yes, my love?" he snickered, kissing down her neck and nipping the skin at her collarbone. One of his hands traced circles on her inner thigh, feeling it quiver as he repeated the pattern._

_"Hmm..." she trailed off, gripping his neck. "I missed you."_

_"I don't doubt that," he replied. "Can anyone else make you feel this way?"_

_"Never," she swore, fingernails raking over the skin on Loki's back. It excited him, making him kiss her more roughly. "Valhalla, never."_

_As her body rolled to meet his, he didn't thunk anyone had ever felt so perfect against him, fit so right. He never enjoyed anything as much as watching her grip the sheets so hard they ripped, or listening to her cry his name while he pleasures her. He never found pleasure himself in anything as much as he did from her touch, her happiness, her her moaning his name, or simply...her._

_"I love you," he said into her neck, kissing it as they came down from a high. "I will always love you, and only you."_

_"I am yours in love as well," Kohl replied, stroking his hair gently. "As long as I exist, I will love you."_

_When he pulled his head back, he was surprised to see her deep eyes penetrating his soul with more emotion than he'd ever seen. He looked fondly upon the only woman who made him tender, brought him to his knees in weakness, and ruled his heart and mind._

_Or, so it seemed at the time._

James opened his eyes, staring at the dark ceiling in his room. He half expected to see the woman cuddling into his side, arm draped over his stomach and head resting on his shoulder. When his head cleared and he remembered reality, there was a disappointment.

Why did he long for her so much? He had to be from his past, she had to be real. In his dreams, every time he touched her seemed so real. If he closed his eyes, he could feel her body against his, hear her calling out for him. There was no way she wasn't real.

Maybe I'm just lonely.

That was a possibility. He'd gone the past six months alone, dreaming of this woman and wishing he could have her. Why didn't he actually find a girl? He was a young doctor, had a very nice apartment, had good friends, and honestly...he was tired of being alone. It was almost time for Christmas, who wanted to spend that alone.

No one will amount to this dream woman, though. She's perfect, utterly perfect. Her pale hair, creamy skin, deep blue eyes, and deliciously curvy figure, he didn't see how anyone could live up to that. This only made him want to find out who he was even more, so he could find her and see if she's really that wonderful.

James sat up in bed, grumbling. He got showered and dressed for work. It was nice, knowing he'd be going into work. His mind would be distracted and his hands busy. He needed to relax and do something that he enjoyed, that didn't include his dream family and girlfriend.

If she was even his girlfriend.

James' thoughts were disrupted when he stepped into the emergency room, absorbing the chaos. His blank mind had somehow gotten him to his car, to the hospital, and in the ER. Andrew flew last him, shoving a chart in his hand. James looked down at it, scanning the words.

A woman in labor. Andrew clapped his back. "They can't move her, it's happening now; GO!"

James was in a panic. Never had he delivered a child; at least, not that he remembered. Hoping his schooling came back for this, as it did for the rest of his work. Taking the chart, he rushed forward to find a woman in a dress panting on the hospital bed. He had a nurse pull the curtain around them and looked to the man. "Are you the father?"

"I am, Doctor."

"Very good," James nodded. "Mrs. Peterson, I am going to need you to breathe for your safety and the baby's." she nodded, screaming as another wage of pain hit her.

He glanced down, taking a deep breath. Fully dilated. "I need you to begin pushing, ma'am. Can you do that for me?"

She nodded.

"A few big bushes and you'll be holding your child in no time," he encouraged. "Ready, and push."

Her screams were loud and very unnerving.

"The baby's crowning!" he called as he saw the top of the head. He prepared his hand to guide the child out. "Another push, Mrs. Peterson, another push!"

She took a breath and pushed again, releasing an even worse scream. "Nearly there, ma'am, nearly there!" James focused solely on guiding the newborn out slowly, supporting it's head and bottom, easing it from the mother's womb. When it's breathing was clear and the cries began, an audible sob came from Mrs. Peterson.

"Would you like to do the honors?" James asked the husband. The man nervously clipped the umbilical cord, tears pouring from his eyes.

After cleaning and sewing Mrs. Patterson up, James realized it had taken less than fifteen minutes. It seemed like it's been a lifetime, yet it had passed so quickly.

"You are an unbelievably lucky woman," the nurse said, handing her the baby girl. "We've never seen a birth that easy and painless."

"Is she supposed to be this color?" the father asked, examining his daughter.

"You have no need of fear," James promised, peeling away his gloves. "She is a perfectly healthy child. All newborns appear slightly purple."

James could hardly enjoy the moment of beauty before him, when his name was called. "Dr. Carlisle, we need you."

A small smile spread his face. He was always busy, and never had a moment to rest, but damn he wouldn't have had it any other way.

_James was in a park._

_Looking around, snow covered the entire area. It covered the ground like a blanket, making the lights seem more magical. Horse drawn carriages pranced through down the cleared walkways, carrying people with tinkling laughs. Carolers were scattered in various places, making the scene perfectly Christmas._

_Turning to his side, James saw her. The beautiful, goddess like woman sat on a bench with the same man who normally had a hammer, Thor. Unlike in the others dreams, however, he wore no armor. Instead, he wore jeans, combat boots, a t-shirt, and a black jacket._

_Kohl was a vision. Her blonde curls were pulled into a simply pony tail on top of her head. Her face was clear of makeup, but the creamy color was as perfect as ever. She wore regular clothes as well. He took in her blue jeans, heeled boots, and dark green sweater with a smile. The ring and necklace he'd always seen were on her too, bringing a smile to his face._

_Such simple clothing, he thought. And yet, she looks like a million dollars._

_"This is a very strange place for me," she was saying to Thor. "But...I rather like it."_

_"The Lady Darcy can teach all about technology, and Lady Pepper shall assist you in the fashions."_

_Kohl nodded and looked around her. "I must learn the traditions of this holiday."_

_"I think you will find it quite enjoyable," Thor beamed. He watched her sad face. James noticed this too, and frowned. He wanted to reach forward and say something, but knew better. It would be like touching or speaking to air. So, he let Thor take her hand. "I brought you here in hopes that I would brighten your spirits."_

_"I so believe I will," Kohl promised. "I will spend my time learning about this realm and soon I will be myself."_

_Thor actually laughed. "You need not lie to me, my friend. I know that without him, you shall never be the same. When you love the way you seem to love Loki, something is never replaced, or fixed. Nothing will make it one hundred percent better."_

_Well that's shit advice, good job Thor._

_"I understand," Kohl laughed as well, surprising James. "If I cannot be myself again, I shall find a new self to be in this...what did you say it was?"_

_"New York City."_

_"The man of Iron called it something else."_

_"Manhattan, I think it was."_

_"Yes," she said. "I will be a new self in Manhattan of New York!"_

This time when James woke up, he wasn't sad. He got a tight feeling in his chest and a tug in his mind. That dream had been real. It might have been a twisted version of what he thought, but he was sure his past was in New York. And he sure as hell was going to find it.


End file.
